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The Love Yourself Diary

Hello new friends! I'm excited to share this crazy rollercoaster of a journey with you all. I want my blog to be a place of comfort where you can go and NOT feel alone, because we are all on the same journey. whether to better ourselves, be healthier or you just don't want to feel alone with the everyday crazy that likes to accompany us. I look forward to your feedback! :)

Valentine’s Day 

I’m going to keep this post real short and sweet. Lord knows I have no real good advice to give on this subject. 
All I’ve got to say is, don’t let it get to your head. It’s a Hallmark Holiday. Celebrated for years but it no longer holds the meaning it was designed for.. remember to love yourself EVERYDAY of the year, NOT just when you have someone to buy you chocolates and flowers. Love each other even when there isn’t a special day on the calendar to remind you too. Love is an everyday action and reaction. 

As I sit alone in my new apartment drinking a red beer and eating the dinner for myself, I’m not sad. No instead I’m enjoying a good meal with a good movie on a good Tuesday evening. I’m grateful for the love of friends I was surrounded with today. I’m grateful….
And if no one told you today, and even though you don’t know me. I want to say “I love you”, because you are deserving and worthy of love. I hope you end today with a smile on your face and remember to keep the love going everyday. 
                          ❤❤❤❤❤

… My home

It’s been a busy 2 months, a short or maybe long? 2 months. Once again I’ve fallen off of the blogisphere. I hate when that happens. I’ve wanted to write every day, but I fall asleep with my phone in hand. The things I want to update you on, the things I’ve learned, the emotions I’ve felt. It’s been one of the best roller coasters ive been on. Minus the stomach troubles after lol. I’m afraid this roller coaster is far from over, it’s just beginning.
Where do I start? What haven’t I told you?

  • One breath summary aaand go….
    I broke up with my first boyfriend, I moved 5 hrs away with my newly married best friend, my ex moved to my new city with a new girl (how random, and good luck). I’ve been hired on with the greatest company I could ever be so lucky to have. Filled with the greatest group of people and fun filled events. I live on my own and I desperately need a puppy. *takes breath* lol

I’m truly happy. I’m learning to be independent. Its hard! So hard!!     Nothing says grown up like doing things alone. Nothing says real world like having to figure out your future bills. I’m excited to announce I will be applying for my first apartment in a few weeks. Soooo not excited for the new financial prison I am putting myself in but a space of my own is definitely something I can’t wait for. I’m excited to decorate, to get my own keys, set the thermostat and have my fridge filled with all my weird foods lol
I’m excited to have people over and cook for them, I’m excited to clean my own bathroom and it stay that way until I clean it again.

But with so many good days, I still manage to catch a case of the lonely. The sister conversation face to face that I’ve had for 25 years, the comfort of my mom in the next room and the obnoxious but oh so hilarious wise cracks of my brother.
I miss the country and my coyotes, yes they are mine and wild but they made me happy. I miss having people who like going to rodeos with, or star gaze. Bon fires in the middle of no where. Music filled night with my family and country cruising. The city is my new home but the country is what my heart cries out for. Because that is where my old happiness is.
The city is a crazy new concrete jungle to me. Cars and building everywhere and places I’ll probably never have a chance to visit no matter how hard I try. But it’s been good to me. I’m happy. I’m learning to be the grown up independent me. I’m learning to entertain myself while forcing myself to sort through my own thoughts.
Not to imply I wasn’t capable of all of these things before, it was just different having such a large support system so close by.

**** Fast forward to present time as I edit this old entry that didn’t get posted. Laying in my own bed in my own apartment with my TV playing a movie on netflix, because I can and mostly because I just got internet. Lol. Those words written weeks ago still ring so true. With only my immediate family driving 5hrs with my things and to help me move. My tia providing me a lovely housewarming dinner, I’ve only received 2 other guests. One being my beautiful cousin whom I’m creating a bond with and am learning about every day and the other person being a friend/coworker/bad decision? The jury is still out on that one.

I drive and drive with no destination, every Saturday. Why? What do I long for? Is it the adventure? An escape? A moment with no deadlines or rules?

I’m lonely and solidarity by choice makes the silence that much more bearable.

I crave the love I was promised I’d find here, I crave the friendship I thought was waiting for me. I want the moments that make me forget my past and the people I left behind it.

I won’t say that this transition has been easy, but I also won’t say I regret it. If there is anything I take from this experience, it’s that I “can” do it. I am capable of doing things on my own. I am capable of doing the very thing I didn’t think I was ever brave enough to do. I will become a stronger person because of this. I will be able to grow into the person I’ve always imagined myself to be.

The silence in my home is temporary, because it is just that.. My home

Quick and easy potato salad

Everyone likes a quicky.. recipe. Minds, gutter people please!  lol 

Ingredients list: 

  • 1 jar dill relish 
  • Small bag red potatoes or (3 regular potatoes) 
  • Mayonnaise 
  • Mustard
  • 2 boiled eggs
  • 2 stalks celery 
  • Green onion
  • Garlic salt
  • Pepper 
  • Paprika 

Step 1:

Cut (peel regular potatoes) into small bite size pieces. boil until fork tender. 

Step 2: 

Chop veggies while potatoes cook. Also boil 2 eggs in water with a pinch of salt for 15 min after water is already boiling. 

Step 3: 

Strain potatoes and let cool.

Step 4: 

Chop celery into bite size pieces and chop about 2 tbsp green onion. 

Step 5: 

Once potatoes are cool enough, place into a mixing bowl. add 2 heaping tbsp mayo and a swirl of mustard. top with a tbsp relish, chopped veggies and a dash of all spices. mash with hands or fork. (I didn’t want to smell like potato salad that day so fork it is.) 

Step 6: 

Taste, then add chopped boiled egg. taste again. egg cuts the salt and will soak up the moisture. you may need to add a bit more mayo and relish to desired taste and consistency. but with my experience it will dry up a bit it’s not the fridge so if it’s dry now it will be dryer later. Also relish i salty so add salt after you taste with relish.

Step 7: 

Put in fridge, let cool then serve and enjoy.

 I swear it usually looks better and tastes great lol I don’t judge you!! jk 😋

*sorry no fancy after shot, I got super hungry lol * 

Baked Salmon and Roasted Cauliflower Mash 

So much food and so little time… errrr jk so much food and so much time has passed once again. this new life sure is taking a while to get situated but I’m loving every minute of it. 

Who’s hungry? Let’s get started 

Ingredients list:

  • 1 frozen salmon steak
  • Stick of butter
  • 1 head of cauliflower
  • Lemon 
  • Garlic salt
  • Pepper
  • Parsley
  • Tin foil 

*pre-heat oven to 375°* 

Step 1: 

Cut cauliflower into flourets. minimal stem. place on a baking sheet. sprayed or lined with foil. 

Step 2: 

Cut a piece of foil to wrap the salmon. place salmon in foil and flavor with garlic salt, garlic powder, pepper and parsley. top with slices of lemon and thin slivers of butter. Close foil like a packet (whatever that means, I’m making it up as I go). 

Step 3: 

Place on baking sheet with cauliflower. bake for 20 minutes. 

Step 4: 

Remove salmon from baking sheet and return cauliflower to oven on broil until cauliflower browns. 

Step 5: 

Place cauliflower into blender with 2 tbsp butter (it might even of been less, start small mixing inbetween pulses), garlic salt, pepper and parsley. Then pulse until mashed consistency. Mine was smooth but not mushy. 

(I’ve seen people add milk and cream  cheese or broth to make it creamy. I kept mine as simple as possible and as healthy as possible.) 

Step 6: 

Plate the cauliflower first then top with salmon and juice from packet. 

~Bon Appétit~

My first Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta: A visual post (minimal words)

Was that title long? nah lol

So I have to admit, I thought I would be ok going on with life never having attended this annual event. What’s so great about it anyways? it’s just a bunch of balloons and it’s super cold. whoopee doo! But correction, it was Ah-mazing! my tia and tio (aunt and uncle) came up to visit and bought me a ticket to join them.

Here are some pictures for you to enjoy. In no particular order, mostly because I don’t know how to  fix it lol  we got to the Balloon field  at 4am. I woke up that day at 2am and still went to work at 12 to closing at 530 pm. Needless to say, it was a long day lol

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

OK guys, the upload is complete. so many shameless selfies lol I was completely excited to be there. if you can I suggest going. dress in layers and wear 2 pairs for socks lol.

P.s. why does my t9 Hate me so much? why?!

The busy bee: That’s me

It’s been a busy 2 months, a short or maybe long? 2 months. Once again I’ve fallen off of the blogisphere. I hate when that happens. I’ve wanted to write every day, but I fall asleep with my phone in hand. The things I want to update you on, the things I’ve learned, the emotions I’ve felt. It’s been one of the best roller coasters ive been on. Minus the stomach troubles after lol. I’m afraid this roller coaster is far from over, it’s just beginning.
Where do I start? What haven’t I told you?
I broke up with my first boyfriend, I moved 5 hrs away with my newly married best friend, my ex moved to my new city with a new girl (how random, and good luck). I’ve been hired on with the greatest company I could ever be so lucky to have. Filled with the greatest group of people and fun filled events.

I’m truly happy.

I’m learning to be independent. Its hard! So hard!! Nothing says grown up like doing things alone. Nothing says real world like having to figure out your future bills and its thay I’m excited to announce I will be applying for my first apartment in a few weeks. Soooo not excited for the new financial prison I am putting myself in but a space of my own is definitely something I can’t wait for.

I’m excited to decorate, to get my own keys, set the thermostat and have my fridge filled with all my weird foods lol
I’m excited to have people over and cook for them, I’m excited to clean my own bathroom and it stay that way until I clean it again.
With so many good days, I still manage to catch a case of the lonely. The sister conversation face to face that I’ve had for 25 years, the comfort of my mom in the next room and the obnoxious but oh so hilarious wise cracks of my brother.
I miss the country and my coyotes, yes they are mine and all mine lol jk they’re ugly and wild but they made me happy.

I miss having people who like going to rodeos with, or star gaze. Bin fires in the middle of no where. The city is my new home but the country is where I will always gravitate to.

Albuquerque is a crazy new concrete jungle to me. Cars and building everywhere, places I’ll probably never have a chance to visit no matter how hard I try. But it’s been good to me.

I’m happy.

I’m learning to be the grown up independent me. I’m learning to entertain myself while forcing myself to sort through my own thoughts.
Not to imply imply wasn’t capable of all of these things before, it was just different having such a large support system so close by.

I love the person im becoming, I cant wait to see how much more I grow on this new adventure.

So excited!!

A word, is a word

Maybe if I wrote on a computer my blog would look more legit. Maybe if I didn’t feel rushed in thought, my sentences would be complete. Maybe if I didn’t feel like no one was interested I’d write more. Or maybe I just need to refocus. To be honest I’m not sure what I expected out of this blog other than a way to escape. Escape into a world that understood me. I look at other people’s pages and I think wow, that looks great! It looks like someone famous would talk about it. Or I think, man those are some amazing topics. How about the food blogs with the amazing videos and pictures of the author/cook. I don’t have an editing program, a fancy camera or photographer. I can’t afford to upgrade my page and sometimes life just gets way to complicated to get caught up in the small details…….

I sit back and wonder, why am I trying to compete? Who am I trying to impress. The title of my page says it all. “The love yourself diary” thoughts of a real girl in real time with real troubles. My page isn’t some cookie cutter version of how I want people to perceive my life. Not to take away from all of the great authors who do have time and money to devote to this lifestyle. But my page, is messy, real, raw, and easy to read. The way I want to be seen and understood.

Too many times we hide behind the makeup and the fancy words. Just say it!!

A word is a word is a word

My word is my truth, my truth is written in my words. This is me, do you understand me yet?

Is this blog rushed? Or is it all I needed to say?

The Brave and the Coward:

The brave and the coward… how did such an awkward pair become such good friends. It’s like the universe knew we needed each other.

There are people who run, who can never stay in one place, I’m not that person. I find peace in patterns and having a comfort zone. I like knowing what to expect next. Surprises make me anxious. I don’t like not being prepared. Those people, the “wanderers” have an amazing amount of confidence that I can only dream of possessing.

Which leads me to think, “Maybe I’m country because that’s the only place I think I will belong.” Can I have the best of both worlds? Doubt is a language I’m fluent in, a language I’ve used thousands of times.

It’s amazing to hear people say “It’s you so I know you can do it.” They had faith in me before I ever did In myself.

It’s now been a whole 10 days that I’ve lived in Albuquerque. I’ve learned a few things about big city living. Traffic isn’t all that scary if you follow road rules and realise you are just as important as the other person on the road with you. Just because there’s a million stores and places to go, doesn’t mean you have to go to all of them NOW. Which is a relief because somehow that was causing me anxiety too lol and the other thing I’ve learned is that even though keeping busy sounds like the ideal thing to do to keep your mind occupied, really making your new city feel like home has to be the most important. Make your house/apartment a place of peace and comfort. Let the streets become yours and the noises become background static to the theme song of your new adventure.

I’m no longer scared or in a rush to prove this new life was meant for me. I love my job, my coworkers treat me great. I couldnt be any more lucky to have been handed such a great bunch of opportunities.

I’ve gone one day at a time, I’ve surrounded myself with friend and family. That friend being my “brave”. She makes me strong where I am weak. She always understands me and she knows what I need.

I’m hoping to soften her edges and make her go to events with me she otherwise would be glad to of ignored lol

Here are some pictures of my newest adventure, more to come 😁…..

The BIG move

I’m moving guys!! Yes I said it, I’m moving!!!

I’m both excited and super sad, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t spend all of last night crying my eyes out like a big baby.

After months of being unhappy with where I am in life, financially, personally, I’ve made the decision to look into other options.

I had a wonderful interview yesterday with my best friends boss, who came all the way from Albuquerque just to interview with me. Which is a 5 hr drive by the way. He offered me a great opportunity with a great staring pay. I couldn’t be more lucky to have found such a good job right away.

Now I’m not sure if this is my forever job but for now it will do, while I transition into my new home town.

Here is where the freak out comes in. I’ve never been away from my family. It’s totally different when the parents are away on vacation for a week and I don’t speak to them. At least I’m in the comfort of my own home, nothings changed. And it’s completely different than when I go up there on vacation, because even though I always hate coming back home, it’s still my home.

I’m completely heart broken to be leaving my home and my family. Most people don’t understand how hard this is for me. Where most kids start each year on their own having to get used to the changes and making new friends, I’ve always had my sister there to be by my side.

Even though I need to do this for myself and my future, I’m having a hard time coming to term with the decision I’ve made. It’s happening all so fast. In two weeks I will be living in a new town, a city of all things. I’m going to miss my little country living. In two weeks I’ll be living in a new house, and looking into getting my own apartment. All without the comfort of going to the next room to vent to my mother or sister.

I’m moving into a great situation, my best friend and her husband has offered me a room in their home to me for a while, while I get my footing. Although this seems like the ideal situation, I have to wonder. She’s married, how fun can this be before she gets tired of me. I’m going up there single and unattached as can be. I need the familiar face, I need the companionship at least for a while. I hate to come off needy here but I’m the one making the big plunge.

Once I move out, how often will she want to hang out? Maybe I’m over thinking this.

Help me guys, I’m flying the coop a little late and it’s super hard. My little heart is having palpitations. I’m sad…..

Also I was supposed to blog about my trip to Iowa recently but I’ve been preoccupied. Stay tuned for my adventure update.

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